Archive for Men’s Health

Responding to Domestic Violence vs. Preventing it

Responding to Domestic Violence vs. Preventing itResponding to Domestic Violence is not working.  It is costing our society millions upon millions of dollars and yet I am still observing the same types of policies being put forward by local government.  Here is a recent scenario that is happening in BC where the government is responding to a “potentially preventable” scenario IF the man received appropriate support.

The West Coast Men’s Support Society is all about prevention.  We offer programs to support men in living healthier lives in all ways; and by doing so, supporting their families, friends, and the community.

We believe that if we can provide boys and men with tools that would invite them down a different path than the “tough guy” approach, that so many of them have been taught, we would offer them a way out of violence and a way into compassion.

We believe in the path of the Mature Masculine/New Macho – a man who takes responsibility for his actions, is held accountable, and lives a life of integrity.

We would like to be able to work with government to develop new approaches to preventing domestic violence across the province through education of men vs. the blaming of men.

The West Coast Men’s Society knows that there is another way – a more cost effective and humane way to support men in BC and beyond.  We hope that doors will open and people in positions of power will pay attention.  Thanks for your time!  Please contact us for more information on our programs.

Spiritual and emotional maturity – the Sibling Society revisited

Spiritual and emotional maturity - he Sibling Society revisitedHow many of you are familiar with the concept of The Sibling Society?  I have hyper linked the term with a page about Robert Bly’s book.  The essence of Bly’s book is around our society being run by adolescent men – men who have literally not emotionally grown up.  These are men who have not taken the path of spiritual and emotional maturity; but rather one that focuses on the bottom line in spite of everything else.

As British Columbia (BC)’s West Coast Men’s Support Society (WCMSS)- a place for men to come for support around their emotional health, we strongly support men in getting in touch with their mature masculinity.  We are hopeful that men will become more aware of their emotional needs, losses, and where their emotional work lies.

We are also affiliated with British Columbia (BC)’s Mankind Project – an organization dedicated to changing the world  one man at a time.  The Mankind Project hopes to accomplish this by inviting men to gather together, and to witness one another going deeper and revealing their shadows – the part of ourselves that we hide, repress, and deny.  It is a part of ourselves that typically comes out sideways because we are not connected with it.  It quite often takes others to act as our mirror to bring up our shadowy parts.  We then project these dark aspects of ourselves onto these people/mirrors.  This is what we refer to as our “work” – our emotional work – we all have it.

The biggest challenge that we at The WCMSS find men have is simply ASKING FOR HELP.  We find that men will look at themselves as failures if they ASK FOR HELP; and yet, if they do not, then they will be perpetually lost in their emotional unavailable state, and will be disconnected from everyone around them in a REAL way.

Therefore, in order for men to truly become mature masculine beings, it is crucial that they step out of their comfort zone and ASK FOR HELP.  This will allow them to begin the journey along the path of spiritual and emotional maturity.

We invite you to contact the WCMSS for more information on our programs and resources.  Thank you for your time and interest.

Who needs men?

Who needs men?I just came across this article posted in Psych Central titled “The Rise of the Single Woman.”  The author states that women have risen above men in many ways: education, longevity, and connectivity.  There was an editorial written in the New York Times called “Men, Who Needs them?”  My first reaction to this is: When are we going to come to an equilibrium?  What is it going to take for women and men to be on the same page – to be in balance?

Our vision at The West Coast Men’s Support Society is “to support a community where men and women of all ages live with equality, equity and peaceful co-existence.”  Because it is our belief that this will lead to a much more emotionally healthy community.

The article goes on to state that career women have never been happier.  It talks about women raising children by themselves.  What about men?  The article continuously poses the question:  Who needs men?  I can confirm that children need men in their life.  I will correct that statement, children need healthy men in their life.

This, to me is the big challenge that the world is facing:  the media is constantly promoting unhealthy men.  Men who are abusing their positions of power.  Men who are speaking inappropriately about women.  Men who want to destroy the world vs. supporting it.  This is not the kind of man that we promote at West Coast Men’s Support Society.

I would invite readers of this blog to read The New Macho to gain an idea of the type of man that we want to emerge on our planet.  A man who lives a life of integrity, takes responsibility, and is accountable for their words and actions.  It is my hope that if this type of mature man arrives, then there will be no more need for the question: Who needs men.

I would invite you to contact us to learn more about our programs and the steps that we are taking in our community to support men in becoming The New Macho.  Thanks for your time.

Amazing Resources for Fathers! Thanks to Dr. Warren Farrell!

The West Coast Men’s Support Society wants to share these amazing resources for fathers!!  Dr. Warren Farrell is doing some amazing work in California and beyond!  Please contact us to learn about our programs.  Thanks for tuning in!

 

Other Resources for Child Custody and Shared Parenting; Mothers’ and Fathers’ Rights; Gender Issues; Careers
WHY MEN ARE THE WAY THEY ARE by WARREN FARRELL, PH.D.

THE MYTH OF MALE POWER by WARREN FARRELL, PH.D.

WOMEN CAN’T HEAR WHAT MEN DON’T SAY by WARREN FARRELL, PH.D.

WHY MEN EARN MORE by WARREN FARRELL, PH.D.

THE LIBERATED MAN by WARREN FARRELL, PH.D.

Warren Farrell’s Homepage

Warren Farrell on Wikipedia and Wikiquote

Proposal to create a White House Council on Boys to Men (chaired by Warren Farrell)

Most-Recommended Resources

American Coalition for Fathers and Children (see video) www.acfc.org

Best Interest of Children www.bestinterestofchildren.org

Better Dads www.betterdads.net

Fathers For Life www.fathersforlife.org

Glenn Sacks Radio www.GlennSacks.com

National Coalition of Free Men www.ncfm.org

Other Recommended Resources on Child Custody and Shared Parenting

Alliance for Non-Custodial Parents Rights (ANCPR) www.ancpr.com

Children’s Rights Council (CRC) www.crckids.org

Dads America www.dadsamerica.org

Dad’s Rights www.dadsrights.com

FatherMag
www.fathermag.com

Fathers’ Rights Association of NY www.fathersrightsnys.com The Fathers’ Rights Association seeks, through equal parenting rights, to ensure that children maintain a continuing, nurturing relationship with both parents after divorce or separation.

Fathers Are Capable Too www.fact.on.ca

Gene C. Colman’s Family Law Centre www.4famlaw.com

Innocent Dads – Falsely accused Fathers and their Legal Issues www.InnocentDads.org To inform Dads who have been falsely accused by their ex-spouses, of what options they have, what works, what does not work, and the difficult struggle they are about to partake.

The Men’s Center www.themenscenter.com

Men’s Rights Agency (Australia)
http://www.mensrights.com.au/

National Fathers’ Resource Center (NFRC) www.fathers4kids.org

Proactive Change for Fathers
http://www.proactivechange.com/fathers/

SPARC, the Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
http://www.deltabravo.net/

Texas Fathers for Equal Rights www.tferfw.org

Resources for Women:

Independent Women’s Forum www.iwf.org

League of Women Voters of California www.smartvoter.org League of Women Voters factsheet for Dr. Farrell’s 2003 California gubernatorial bid.

Recommended Web Sites on Gender Issues:

John Gray’s Mars and Venus www.marsvenus.com

Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting www.mediaradar.org

The National Organization for Men www.orgformen.org

In-Depth and Thoughtful Interviews :

Integral Naked www.in.integralinstitute.org (Ken Wilber interviews Warren Farrell)

Interview on People First Radio!

Interview on People First Radio!West Coast Men’s Support Society if very pleased to announce that we had a successful interview on People First Radio this past Thursday.

The interview was largely based around the new Men’s Centre that will be opening at Simon Fraser University, and the response that it has received to date from the community.

I discussed the need for society to work towards an equilibrium between the support and understanding of women’s and men’s emotions.

I discussed the need for an understanding of the sacred masculine and how important this is.

I wanted to clarify that the need for a safe place for men to go to to seek help in no way minimizes the need for women’s centres – places for women to go for support.  I am simply emphasizing that both genders require support – typically from their own gender in order to be safe and healthy.

I spoke about the different programs that the West Coast Men’s Society is offering to support men in BC.

I confirmed that we support men’s work across British Columbia – including: up and down Vancouver Island and the Okanagan.  We are working to build connections in the Lower Mainland, the Kootenays, and in the northern regions of BC.  We want to help men wherever they reside.

It is truly our hope that the new Men’s Centre at Simon Fraser will mark the beginning of a more balanced society – where both women’s and men’s emotional lives are being supported.

Please feel free to contact us for more information on our programs.

Thanks for your time!

Men’s Centre at Simon Fraser University!!

I just published this on our Facebook page:

This is the cartoon that was published in SFU’s Peak publication when they published their article about the Men’s Centre. I submitted the following letter to their opinions email address in response to the cartoon:

Good Day,

I am trying to understand what you were hoping to achieve by publishing the above noted cartoon in your April 9, 2012 publication. The first thought that came to mind when I saw it was: “when are people – especially men going to take men’s emotional health seriously? If men cannot take their own emotional health seriously then how can women?” As the Executive Director of the West Coast Men’s Support Society, I want to reinforce to your publication and to your readers that there must be a balanced approach to men’s and women’s emotional needs in order for emotional safety to truly exist. For until men have taken a good look in the mirror and received the emotional support that they require (especially from other men), they will continue to wander the world as immature little boys – not having a clear grounded understanding of their needs as a human being. I truly hope that Men’s Centres continue to be formed across Canada and anywhere a Women’s Centre exists, in order for balance to be achieved. Thank you for your time.

I think that the above letter to the editor speaks for itself.  Please feel free to contact the West Coast Men’s Support Society for more details about our programs and resources.  Thanks for your time!  :-)

I Don’t Want to Talk About It – Men & Depression

I came across the following article on MenWeb:

Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression © 1998 review by Bert H. Hoff – book author = Terrance Real

This article talks about male depression. The West Coast Men’s Support Society often hears about issues around depression in our various groups.  We are hear to support men.

Here is a very good excerpt:

Terry Real asserts that depression is often overlooked and misunderstood to men. He disputes the conventional wisdom that the rate of depression in women is two to four times the rate of men. Depression is experienced and expressed differently in men and women. Depressed men don’t reach out for help in the same way that women do. Too often, men are reluctant to be too expressive of their feelings or too openly vulnerable. Depression is seen as unmanly and shameful. It carries a double stigma for men — that of a mental illness as well as femininity.

The depression that we most often see—or fail to see—in men is what Terry calls “covert” rather than “overt” depression. Where do we see this covert depression? In self medication, isolation and lashing out. Self-medication may be drinking, drugging, womanizing and even watching excessive amounts of television. Terry points out that some forms of self medication are tolerated by our culture so it is hard to get across that what these men are doing is stabilizing depression.

Lashing out can mean violence and domestic abuse. Untreated depression may be an integral part of many male batterers.”

Here are some more good links to information on men and depression:

National Institute (USA) of Mental Health – Men and Depression

Canadian Mental Health Association – Depression and Men: Is it different than in Women?

Men Get Depression – 25% men are afflicted

Please contact us if a man you know and/or love has depression and you or he are not sure where to turn for support.

Thanks for your time and interest!

Grant M. Waldman, Executive Director
West Coast Men’s Support Society